Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Dispatch From Escalatorville: A Drip Here, A Drop There...

Brief but extant - more Escalatorville coming to a internet near you soon-

Marvelous Malapropisms
In my everyday surveillance of the unsuspecting world - also known as eavesdropping, I come across some witty transmutations of our glorious language. Such was the case with a woman confronted by the ongoing construction and repair to one of our city's most trod upon streets:

"Whens it never gonna end?!?"

I wished I'd had an answer for her - she looked as exasperated as her brain must've been (I blame the heat, yeah, that's it - the heat).

It had only been earlier in the week that I'd heard another lass misconstrue her vocal intent while enthusiastically venting about a recent brouhaha:

"That was the sauce on the cake!"

Maybe she meant it exactly - but I need some more detail before I have a slice...

Missing The Metaphor
Speaking of cake; I've heard the song 'MacArthur Park' more than my fare share of times over the past couple of weeks. Radio sometimes does that, y'know, where songs follow you around. Lately, that song for me is 'MacArthur Park'.

Now, don't get me wrong - I've been a fan of Sir Richard Harris, and certainly of songwriter Jimmy Webb for many a year (The latter's 'Wichita Lineman' prickles my skin every time I hear it). However, I do have a problem with a lyrical concept that just doesn't make logical sense to me - or any of the bakers that I know-

If one knew one was constructing a delightful dessert - a cake that would not only take an eternity to bake, but was so special that the recipe for making said cake would ultimately be destroyed - then why,oh, why would one place such a treasure in a place where it could be easily absconded with and left to rot in the inclement weather? Someone needs better cake security, or a smarter chef.

(Yes, yes, I get the bigger meaning - but come on - you can't spell 'Simile' without 'smile')

Mumbling Mumbling
I don't usually delve into politics much outside of my own head (where the terms "caucus" and "circus" have exactly the same meaning), however, I have enjoyed the sitcom that is the Republican Contender-ship for Nomination 2012.

I do feel it a bit sad that the Celeblicans we have running for office these days are no different than the Celebrocrats in that neither of them truly represent the voters of this country that share similar-named party affiliations. That said, I have a few thoughts on the future candidate and those soon to be also-rans:

Mitt Romney: I couldn't care if he's a Mormon, maybe China will ease off our debt if we show them the secret of magic underpants - what concerns me is that he will change our national language to his native Binary.

Ron Paul: I like some of his ideas when he's not being a racist. He certainly would make the best collectible figurine of all the potential candidates - and he might actually invite Willie Nelson back to the White House.

Newt Gingrich: I love his tenacity and the humor of his hubris - the ghost of Ronald Reagan himself could swagger down from Heaven up to Gingrich's podium, look ole Newtie in the eyes and say - as the reporters camera's flashed with abandon-

"Well - uh, we just don't WANT you."

- and Newt would still believe he's the front runner. Then he'd send Nancy a bill for the photo op.

Rick Santorum: "Dear Ricky - Imagine the growth of the other santorum industry if you become the candidate. Take my advice, and copyright that sh*t right now. Think of the money you'd get from all the liberals who would purchase such froth-affiliated novelty products, and all it cost you is a little humiliation based on an whimsically accurate descriptive. Best Regards, Z"

I suggest that alternative for old R.S. because, as we all know - In any election, capitalism will always win,place, or show.
The Dispatch From Escalatorville
Z.F. Lively, Proprietor/Un-Politico for hate mail and campaign flyers

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