Friday, October 31, 2008

Politics or Parlour Tricks Edition

My friends,
It is an interesting time at which I write this. A smidge past 3AM, that is. Bess and I have just returned from a couple of rousing Halloween parties (my great gear put together by the ever wonderful Bess), my folks happen to be visiting from out of town, and in a matter of mere days - we will select a new leader of the free world. There are no pollsters in Escalatorville, but we do think of politics from time to time. Welcome...

Stop Acting Like You're in Electoral High School
In counting all the candidate yard signs in and around our street - I can say safely that I believe our neighborhood is voting in favor of 'For Sale'.

Ready on Day 2922?
The scene: On his last day in office, George W. Bush heads down a long hallway to the White House exit, Laura follows 20 yards behind. As he approaches the door, he notices a sign attached. Reading the sign, W turns around quickly, sees Laura, and turns back toward the door. Again seeing the sign, he quickly spins around, and just as quickly spins back. Confused and angry, George pushes through the exit, and angrily struts to his waiting Limo.

Laura reaches the exit, and starts to cry as she reads the sign aloud:
"Please Close The Door Behind You"

Scenes From The Homeland, Part 1
Overheard conversation at the bank-
Customer: "How's your boy doing?"
Teller: "Good. Real good - he's batting a hundred!"

(I think I know why the economy is failing)

My Definition of Technology Means I Have No Logic of Tech.
Don't you hate it when the microwave starts harassing you, simply because it's been 30 seconds since your food was done? I hear those accusatory beeps, pal - it's not like I'm having a party with the washer and dryer over here - we're doing work!
Get off my case, microwave, it's just potatoes.

Bon Appetit, Sucker.
Ol' Dubya got one thing right. Early on, in his initial White House run, he stated that he'd run the country like a CEO. As we can see during his run from the White House (which seems like it's taking forever, doesn't it?) - the CEO's he had in mind are the ones that have come to be the examples of modern American Corporate Capitalists.

You know, the ones who profit outrageously before, during, and after driving their companies into ruin - leaving employees to face the withering cost of the boss man's failures.

What folks never paid attention to was that, when Junior actually was a CEO - every business he ran failed.

Way to go, Georgie boy. You told us outright that you were tempting us with frosting - and no one noticed the shit cake beneath.

Scenes from the Homeland, Pt 2
I would love to buy coffee from a small, independent, nouveau cafe. Unfortunately, the only true caffeine disbursement center in my office park is a name brand purveyor of slow roasted mudwater.

As I was egressing recently, a spherical woman entered and lurched toward the food case. After a quick glance at the choices laid out, she asked - in furious, sweaty anticipation - "Where's them Krispy Treats?"

I'm guessing I walked out the door just in time, as I swear I heard the hiss of a boiling kettle begin to emerge from her gullet as she was told:
"Oh, we don't carry those anymore."

A Falling Soldier
To Escalatorvillians of every political stripe: I hope that you'll continue to read this in it's entirety, despite the admission I am about to make.

You see, I've been "in the tank" for Barack Obama for a while. I've got the sticker, the button, even had a lawn sign until it got stolen. [Full disclosure: I keep myself registered as Without Party Affiliation - so that I'm not beholden to a single group, nor do I feel the need to declare that I follow the specific credentials of any organized political affiliation. I believe in choosing the right person for the job, no matter their party - I guess I'm a maverick like that.] Simply put, I became an Obama fan because I've been paying attention to the world of politics over the past few years - and I believe he has a better, more definitive plan for the country I call home.

Also, I'm quite concerned for John McCain.

A once strong and vibrant veteran, who sacrificed so much - I'm concerned that he's become a bit unhinged, and a victim of the Republican party. Yes, a victim.

Being a conspiracy dweeb, I have a theory. Here goes: I believe McCain was meant to be the Republican choice eight years ago - and is now trying to reclaim what was once viewed as rightfully his. Hell, I was pulling for him to get the GOP nod in 2000 - at least then, I would have felt a bit better about Gore throwing the thing away.

But, something happened. I think someone in the party screwed up, thinking McCain would be difficult to manipulate - and got Bush the top spot on the Republican ticket that year. Perhaps the Republicans needed a patsy/puppet to go along with the Cheney Agenda, perhaps McCain was a bit too testy, even too logical at that time to guarantee a victory (when the GOP was gleefully misinterpreting Malcom X's mantra of "By Any Means Necessary"). Bushy "won" and began the reign of decline that America has been facing for the better part of a decade.

Enter Republican guilt. The forces behind the Republican party (which, honestly, for any political party should be the citizens - but is definitely not) in the past couple of years have had to live with their harmful decision, and probably felt that they needed to make up for screwing McCain out of his run eight years ago. So, in order to save face, they bring McCain to the forefront after realizing that neither Huckabee nor Romney would have the credibility or cojones to go after the most coveted job on the planet (perhaps "coveted" isn't the best word, but think of it - based on the the current Presidents record, the job consists of doing whatever the hell you want, pissing on those who disagree, and taking as much vacation time as you could possibly need).

Here's where things take a turn for the worse. McCain begins to worry more about his Presidential Image, rather than his policies - and is deceived into letting someone else take charge of his campaign. The John McCain that should be running for the White House is that tough as nails soldier, not the cancer-ridden old man reaching for a last gasp at glory with tirades and false policies.

It seems obvious to me that he's become just a figurehead of his party, being manipulated by a force greater than himself (kinda like, yup, G.W.B.) and it has led him to betray what I think he once believed in - honesty and integrity.

Every presidential-style decision he has made in the past few months; the pick of Palin - "suspending" his campaign to fix the economy (only to make things worse) - even McCain's retort that "I don't care about an old, washed-up terrorist" - despite the fact that it's that same terrorist his campaign is shoving down our throats, has been an abject failure.

If John McCain cannot control his own campaign, I don't see how we can trust him to pull together this country.

John McCain suffered for over 5 years in a foreign prison during an unjust war for his country, my country, our country. Sadly, the tenacity and fortitude he showed throughout that situation has deteriorated over the past 35 years. His "straight talk" of late seems restricted to attacks on his opponent, with no current glories to back him up - dependent on his past imprisonment to bring the gravitas that's needed to plot the course for 350 million Americans. This is a man who is relying on his 'hero' status while simultaneously allowing the actions of his party superiors to obliterate it. It's sad, quite sad.

When given the choice between two candidates, wouldn't you rather choose the one who believes that he owes it to America, and not the one whose stance is such that America owes him?

No matter what - on the day after this election - we all need to come together. Not as Republicans. Not as Democrats. Not as Libertarians, Whigs, Bull Moose, or representatives of any party. We need to get together as Americans - and work to restore the reputation and strength of our great nation.

All of the Escalatorville staff has already voted. Do your duty and cast your ballot.
In hope,
Z.F. Lively

p.s. In previous missives, i have related my affection for 'The Big Lebowski'. We now take a brief moment to salute a real life Donnie. Good Night Sweet Prince.