Friday, January 13, 2012

The Dispatch From Escalatorville: Nothing About Druids Edition.

I tend to drag my feet when chasing after the modern world. After all, I spend more time looking for my phone than I do actually using it.

When I do pick it up, I'm amazed at what the thing can do.
Beyond calling; I can send a text message across the planet via instantaneous connections to outer space satellites, play minuscule games that my 10 year old self would have required a millionaire Santa Claus to obtain, even take notes via keyboard or voice recording to use for future editions of this Dispatch. Yet, I'm still occasionally chided because I haven't upgraded to a "smart" phone.

A Quick Meditation
Very recently, I started doing light Yoga. I've never been too unhealthy, mind you, but I am kinda lazy when it comes to regular exercise. Now, I haven't been gone whole hog into the practice, yet. I'm not going to a class or workshop, or anything in front of other people - not until I'm a bit more bendy.

I'm starting slow, via video on the Internet. I can sift through a dozen methods that way and find one that's good for me - also, there's a pause button.

A few sessions in, and I've come to some basic conclusions:

A)My body has it's own mathematical system.
20 minutes of morning yoga = (90 minutes of random aches/ random muscles)
X (85% of remaining daylight hours)

B) Breathing is underrated.

C) At times, my body can sound like a Rice Krispies factory.

I do, however, feel better after doing it and, though I may never be a specialist in "Downward Facing Dog" or "Mutating Pachyderm" - I'll be happy just to be the "More Comfortable Tall Guy."

Life In A Fish Bowel
At the shop where I work, we sell ceramic, lizard-esque statuary.
--And here is when we gaze upon the power of modern marketing:

More than twice in the past couple months, I have been asked the price of a colorful "Geico."

None of the affected have purchased any Geckos either.

That's not the only language lesson in recent weeks. Soon after Christmas, a small girl asked her Dad if she could get a "Humbug Whale" - and just this past week, a boy ran in squealing - "Mom, we gotta find some of those "Sea Urgings!"

Boo. Etc.
I don't wanna bust up anyone's mythology or anything, but see if you catch my Orlok-ian drift on this one:

Dracula seems to be a fairly imposing, initially kind mannered, and probably well educated being. He's impervious to anything but sunlight, wooden stakes, and - the power of the cross. Be it the charm on someones necklace, or an ornamentation ripped from the walls of a church - in popular portrayals and retellings of the Dracula legend - a cross held to the face of the protagonist generally stops the attack mid-fanging.

This being the case - why doesn't Nosferatu (or whatever he's calling himself these days) make more appearances in non-Christian circles? He's always looking to score in America and Europe, areas wherein lay the greatest concentration of the worlds Christian believers.

Don't you think a truly smart Vampire would embrace something like the Buddhist culture? After all, their bloods just as good as anyone elses, there's a hell of a lot more of them than Christians, and they're also the least likeliest to have access to the very crosses which stop him in his night stalking tracks. It's just a thought.

If that don't work Drac, what about Atheists? Tasty, tasty Atheists.

Druids? I said nothing about Druids.
but he did (Not Safe For Work):

and so did they (Not Safe For Drummers):

My favorite time of day is right now.
The Dispatch From Escalatorville
Z.F Lively, Proprietor/Disco Survivor (Accepting applications for Application Acceptor)

1 comment:

Lori said...

Tasty, tasty Athiests indeed.