Friday, January 20, 2012

The Dispatch From Escalatorville: My Miniscule Menagerie

"Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." -George Eliot

"Also, they can't read." - Me

Amorres Perros
I was distracted at work the other day by the sight of a woman mistreating her dog.

I certainly understand the use of talking to animals with short phrases and commands for training, entertaining 'tricks,' and loving offers of emotional expression. However, dog owners should realize that English is not a canines native tongue. A dog is not going to "get" a basic conversation, no matter what the motion pictures and cartoons may indicate.

Thus, I was incensed when I heard and saw a woman viciously yanking her dogs chain, producing painful yelps from the poor mutt, while yelling at the creature for it's mis-comprehension of her directives:

"I told you not to pull ahead of me! (Yank)"
"I asked you to back up! (Yank)"
"Why don't you pay attention!? (Yank)"

Thankfully, a few passerby on the street gawked, then called out and reprimanded the insensitive woman. I personally felt the need to have her leashed and muzzled. What a bitch.

O Theseus, Where Art Thou?
I haven't spent as much time as usual keeping up with our country's current political shenanigans. From my sidelong viewpoint, all the backstabbing, sexual peccadillory, and blood lust on display makes the whole thing look like a Greek tragedy in the works.

Politicians, I feel, in many ways resemble that mythic beast - the Minotaur. Sure, they may walk and act like a man, but everything out of their mouths is pure bull.

Paging Frau Blucher
Friends and I used to toss around the euphemism of the "horse girl." A term not meant as a direct insult, for the most part; the phrase merely described those middle school and younger high school gals whom spent their free time obsessing over ponies, drawing horses on notebook covers, and collecting figurines and plush dolls of equine inspiration. Boys had our dirtbikes and skateboards, and some girls had horse culture.

A vast generalization - of course, but for pre-teens in the early 1980's, these were the obsessions of our youth.

Strange now that the term has come around again. However, these modern "horse girls" are so-called mainly due to the stallion-esque gait and attitude one sees as they parade themselves down city streets. Impeccably groomed, these women painfully walk in their finest hoofgear, each foot kicked out in front of the leg, moving their heads and necks in a slight up and down motion - facing forward, looking down at anyone in their path.

This girl gives a good, and humorous example:

She's poking fun, but I'm sure you've seen them in your town. It's best not to approach "horse girls" about their stance, however - any question you could pose will be answered with either a whinny or an outspoken "Neigh!"

Apologies for a short report this week, I'm headed to the circus!
As a spectator folks, not an act - much to the chagrin of Dr. Moreau, I'm sure.

The Dispatch From Escalatorville
Z.F. Lively, Proprietor/ Stalker of Multiple Organisms - for folks who type.

1 comment:

Master Dater said...

It's not the horse girls that concern me as much as the Buffalo girls.