Monday, February 6, 2012

The Dispatch From Escalatorville: Revisionist History

"If these weren't 50% off, what would they go for?"
-Random retail customer, Fall 2011
I live in a town replete with biographic antiquity. A lot of folks around here pay the bills either portraying or retelling stories of iconic (and not so iconic) personages from the towns past.

On occasion, however, the modern world will intercede and create some interesting juxtapositions...

I strolled past an archaeological dig the other day. (Before something can new can be constructed in the old city, someone has to check the grounds to make sure no primitive treasures have gone previously undiscovered). Looking up from a ditch, one of this burgs diligent dirt sifters had engaged in conversation with the 18th century come to life - a re-enactor clad in full colonial regalia: buckled shoes, wool stockings, breeches, ruffled shirt, waistcoat - and motorcycle helmet.

Two minutes down the road, I was passed by the single whirring steed of a Continental Moped Regiment.

That instance brought to mind a similar sight from a few weeks prior. Heading past the college auditorium one evening, I witnessed a fully bedecked/photo ready "Pedro Menendez De Aviles" - a founder of our fair town. He stood broad shouldered, mustachioed face lit by the moon as he uttered a hearty "Adios y Buenas Noches" to his fellow costumed amigos - then hopped into his waiting Sport Utility Vehicle.

I can only assume he placed his Espada in the gun rack.

Of course, every once in a while brings an encounter with someone who completely rewrites the accumulation of human events inside their own head. An example follows:

In the gift shop that employs me, we sell engraved paperweights. These soapstone talismen feature random, interesting, and irrelevant symbols. Nonetheless, an enamored yet historically misaligned shopper picked one up with the pronouncement -

"This was probably carved back when the Aztecs were kicking the Pilgrims asses!"

For a buck ninety five, plus tax, I highly doubt it.

The Dispatch From Escalatorville
Z.F. Lively, Proprietor/Ghost Wrangler

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